I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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