I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
