Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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