please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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