i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
