Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
