Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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