Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
