mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
