You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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