i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
