it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
