i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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