I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
