the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
