I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
