I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
