why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
