i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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