god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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