Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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