I am puke
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
