Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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