The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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