At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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