dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
