Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
