I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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