Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
