His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
