I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
