I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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