I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
