Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
