Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
whose parrot is this?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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