The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
