I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
