I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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