she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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