Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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