i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
