Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
