Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
