Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
