she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
