Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
