____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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