You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
