How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
