Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
