I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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