His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize