sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
