So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
