I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
