CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
