I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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