i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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