You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
