mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
