dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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